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17 August 2011 @ 01:04 pm
[FIC] I. Need. You.  
Title: I. Need. You.
Author: hanashiaru 
Pairing: ChiiTaro
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU, Angst.
Summary: They’re both sick with a different way, they’re both lonely. Where should they go to make some happiness?
Disclaimer: I do not own them.
Warning: Typo, grammatical error. Chara death

Some sad love stories ended up with a death. But the truth is, every love stories always end up with deaths. Because everyone would die, sooner or later, by death. But the death love stories would be sounded nice, if the couple have lived happily for a long time and finally one of them passed away peacefully. But the death stories that we won’t wanna hear is, if the couple never ever live happily and they’re cruelly being separated by death in the young age.

The last one is an agony.

And for having that kind of stories for his life, he never wanted it. But the truth has spoken up, shouting inaudibly that his story.. is one of them.


Sixteen years old Chinen Yuuri’s small hands were tightly gripping his folded arms which were covered with his thick jacket. Black was already coloring the sky, and he could expect that an early snow would fall down tonight. It wasn’t like he didn’t love snow, he enjoyed the coldness even though he had hissed for the thousand times already.

Stopping his step on the big tree, he raised his hand up and brushed the dirty mud which was stuck on it. He sighed, shaking his head in disbelief.

“It’s only two days since my absence for visiting you, and you got dirt already.” He spoke up softly, still patienly wiping the dirt away and took his bottle of water and showering the tree, “Ma.. at least I’m here now. Still wondering you’re so big but no one cares about you though.”

A tiny bunch of ice suddenly fell down thrusting his skin with its coldness.

“The snow’s falling down.” He said once again before stepping backwards—

A little thing had dropped down, he heard the voice.

He turned his body for wandering what was happening but somehow he was pushed hardly onto the half-snowed ground and it made his eyes were not focusing for the incident. All he realized was that his wallet had already gone.

He frowned as he saw a figure was running, not to be caught. Obviously, then the figure was lost from his sight in a flash. He hadn’t had his time to make a scream, to tell everybody that his wallet was stolen. The snow was falling down more, making his body raise and tried to walk fastly. He sure loved snow, but the snow in the night especially in a place that was far away from his house... it was creeping him out.

Tightened his jacket, still trying to give a warmth to all his body, he walked faster and faster. He didn’t have money to take a train, yet he didn’t bring his cellphone. As if God wanted him to die tonight.

It was too cold.

His step went slower as he felt his feet were almost numb, he couldn’t force his feet to make a quick walk. Dragging his feet and not wanting to think how long he should use his feet to reach his house, he took a breathe deeply and slapped his face to keep opening his eyes. His mind was in chaotic, he knew he couldn’t reach home by walking normally, but he was lost in thought already. There was nobody here anymore, it was already late for going home.

One step he took as he realized his eyes felt heavy, the coldness pierced his chest as he stumbled forward and he was sure he would lost consciousness the moment his body bumped onto the ground.

But unexpectedly, he felt there was a cold hand which was holding his body, preventing him to fall down. His eyes were already closed due to the exhaustion, but his mind was still working.


He couldn’t answer.

“Wake up.”

No, no, he felt heavy and his all body was tired already.

“I’m sorry for taking your money, hey, wake up!”

’So.. there he is..’

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s..okay..” he muttered softly, his eyelids opened a little as he tried to manage his voice to be heared clearly, “.. what’s this.. apparently you’re just a kid..”

From his little sight, he could see the boy’s eyes were getting smaller.

“Just.. let me sleep..”

This was a crazy demand, yes, but he couldn’t hold it anymore. His hand freely fell down onto the air and he dropped all his weight to the hands which were holding him. Closing his eyes again, and he completely forgot about everything.


The snow was gathered already, it was cold but the sun light in the morning was shining unnormally bright, as if the light was thrusting his skin so it was more than enough to wake him up.

“CRAP!” Chinen’s eyes widened, he frantically got up from his laying position and make his way to the boy who was already sitting beside him still with the closed eyes, “Boy, let me have my money back. Or half of it, I just need to go! Hey, boy, wake up!”

No answer.

“Is he getting really tired for taking care of me?” mumbling in his thought, he squatted down and lifted his hand to shake the boy’s body, “Hey, wake up. Give my money back.”

Still, the one answered him only the peaceful rhytim of breathe from the sleeping boy.

“Such a sleep-whore.” Chinen sighed, “Hey!”

Chinen brushed the boy’s black hair that was covering one of the closing eyes, and he only gasped silently when he saw bruises on the forehead and some on the soft cheek. The faceline of the boy wasn’t a good thing to be seen, as if the boy was still having some hatred, suffer, anger, and the sadness in his sleep. Chinen didn’t really know what kind of life that the boy’s having, but somehow he knew what the boy felt.

The one hard shake on the boy’s shoulder, Chinen closed his mouth with his hands to prevent him from laughing when he saw the boy fell down and suddenly jerk around with a shockment.

He was cute enough.

“Are you really that tired?” Chinen asked softly, leaning closer to him. “Did you bring me to this silent street last night?”

“Y.. yes.”

“I like this place, actually. But I need to go home. Can you give me half of my money? You can take the other—“

“I stole your money and why do you still care of me?”

Chinen curved a smile, “And why did you still care of me too? Last night. And this morning. You could just let me fall to the ground and die with the coldness of the snow.”

“I just..” wondering what the next words, he bit his lips. “.. this is my first time for meeting someone who didn’t scream when I stole the money.”

“You’re still a kid, how old are you?”


“Geez.” Chinen shook his head, but then he gave his hand to the boy, “I’m Chinen Yuuri, anyway.”

It took a moment for knowing that the boy only stare at the hand.

“You don’t wanna introduce yourself?” Chinen moved his hand, only for showing that his hand needed an attention.

Slowly, the boy’s hand was raised up to welcome Chinen’s hand. “Ryutaro.. Morimoto.”

Chinen smiled, finally getting the name, “Where do you live, Morimoto-kun?”

“Everywhere. But I mostly spent my time here.”

“So can I find you here?”

Ryutaro didn’t answer.

“I really need to go now, but I can find you here again, right?”

Thus, a nod that was given by Morimoto Ryutaro somehow changed their lifes.


Morimoto Ryutaro had lost his family since he was seven years old. It was a fire which caused it all, he was the only child who saved because he wasn’t in home at that time. Spending a year in his uncle’s carriage, he ran away from the house as he couldn’t bear the pain anymore since his uncle was always doing violence to him in every case.

Living in the street, mantain the living by himself was so much better. He could feel an effort.

It was the first time for Morimoto Ryutaro to feel guilty at the moment he stopped his run as he heard nothing after stealing Chinen Yuuri’s money. He felt bad, he also a human that could feel the coldness of the snow that was began falling down. It was scared him more when he saw how pale Chinen’s face was, and the tiny lips were almost turning blue, the movement was so fragile. The boy could die for sure, even maybe Chinen himself didn’t realize it.

Almost ten punches on his face and his stomach were given before he could escape from the man who usually took the money he stole. He could escape, he could save the money, but his mind was still in determination hoping that it wasn’t really too late.

He finally wasn’t late, and he was glad for it.

And he didn’t even know why he was so glad, he thought he was about to reach his chaotic mind. But indeed, he found himself enjoyed the moment he felt the coldness of the little boy in his arms, for staring at the features of the boy and he felt weird to feel that he wanted to stay stare forever at the face. As if he found an angel in his arms.

Chinen Yuuri was the person who was so kind for him and made him couldn’t refuse anything the boy wanted. Sure, he knew he was just fourteen but he.. felt this strange feeling.

The feeling that soon enough he could find out that it was love.

The next morning came, he was surprised to see Chinen Yuuri who was already sitting on the usual place. The smaller boy looked so beautiful with the wind that brushed his hair and made Chinen’s eyes closed as if he was really an angel.

A small step on the grass, making a sound that pulled Chinen’s attention.

“Ryuu-chaan!” The older boy ran and bumped himself onto Ryutaro’s shoulder, snuggling happily. “It’s so cold and I found you for the warmth!”

The same voice that would welcome him everyday, every month, and every year.


“I really need to go now, but I can find you here again, right?”

Morimoto Ryutaro didn’t know that Chinen Yuuri shed tears the moment he reached the place he wanted to go. Sobbing and crying hardly, letting his feeling out.

He got the answer. He finally got the answer about the strange feeling that he felt for some months ago. And it was too painful for him.

No one passed the restroom of the hospital, so he could cry his eyes out. Taking his cellphone out from his pocket, he managed to call his mother and control his sob. The waiting tone was so painful, why was it always so hard to call her? His cellphone was fallen down as he grasped his chest when the suffocating feeling came across it, he could feel a sharp pain every time the breathe was taken. He released a tear as he felt the pain was already too unbearable, the grip was tightened and a spontaneous cough occured and he reflectly covered his mouth with his hand. The tears fell more when he removed his hand, noticing a clear mucus with a dark clot of blood with fresh looking blood on his hand.

The nurses were coming immediately, but he was still sobbing and begging to let him die right at that time. Shouting that there was no one who cared about him anymore, his parents had divorced and they were busy with their own lifes, and his sister was also busy with her college.

He kept begging to die, until the doctor came and injected his pale skin as he slowly fell onto his deep slumber.

But it was lucky for him when he was woken up.. he remembered about the boy who came into his life just for today.


“You can eat in my home.. no need to steal money again, that’s not good.”

Ryutaro was still stroking Chinen’s hair softly without giving the older any answer. It made Chinen lost his patience, he turned his body around so that he was laying with staring at the younger.

“We can live together.”


“You don’t wanna live with me?”

Ryutaro went silent until he smiled bitterly, “I can’t escape. The men were watching over me. I still need to give them money, they’d kill me if I try to run away. Beside... I can’t live with your money.”


Ryutaro looked up at Chinen’s eyes which almost got teary, he embraced the older’s body and he could feel how fragile Chinen was. A year had passed already and the situation still didn’t change, the only one that was growing up only the feeling of them.

“It’s so lonely without you, Ryuu-chan.”

“The same goes with me.”

“Then why can’t we be together? I love you.” Chinen burried his face on Ryutaro’s shoulder, his small tears wetting the younger’s shirt as Ryutaro patted Chinen’s head dearly. “I love you.”

The words enough to Ryutaro for capturing the soft lips with his, the older’s tears were still falling down and it made him deepen the kiss only to show the deep feeling that he couldn’t say. They found each others, where should they go to get a happiness? The world was already suffocating, as if there was no place for them to stay together anymore. They were just wanted to live together, just it.

Chinen cringed when the sudden pain was piercing his chest again, he grasped his chest tightly, gasping a little air as he leaned his body onto Ryutaro’s chest. His shoulders were moving up and down riotously, and the wheeze wasn’t stable to be heard.

“Yuuri?” Ryutaro asked worriedly, “Yuuri, what’s wrong?”

No answer, just a hard breathe.

Ryutaro was about to carry the older but Chinen held Ryutaro’s hands tightly, shaking his head helplessly. “It’ll dissapear soon.. it’s okay..”

His eyes was half-closed as if the older could faint anytime. Ryutaro palmed Chinen’s cheeks, brushing them softly, “What was that, Yuuri?”

Chinen just shook his head.


“I’m sick, you know.” He finally answered, opening his eyes and he found the tears hadn’t dissapeared from his eyes, “I wanna feel some happiness before I die, yet I can’t get it from you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’m afraid of losing you, Ryuu-chan.” Chinen threw his body again into Ryutaro’s warmth, but his head was raising up to face at the younger boy, “This is my first time I’ve someone who takes care of me. I’m glad for meeting you.”

Ryutaro stared back at Chinen’s eyes, and it so much hurt.

“I’m tired of living in this kind of life. I can die anytime and I don’t know when, the moment I can wash over that scary thought is only when I’m with you.” Chinen held the younger’s arm. “Please don’t leave me, Ryuu-chan.”

Ryutaro tightened his arms in embracing the older boy, a silent tear was falling down realizing the words which just escaped from the older boy were should be his line.


Days, months, year.

They still could laugh, the older could still cling on the younger and being spoilt just like he always did. Chinen was still trying to hide his attack that suddenly came, he tried hard not to make Ryutaro worried more. There would be some days also when Ryutaro was hard to meet, and the next day he would find out some new bruises on Ryutaro’s body. treatening their each other wounds, they were taking care for each other, simply they needed each other.

No matter how many laughters which appeared, there was a burried despair following them.

It was until the day when Ryutaro couldn’t find Chinen at the usual place, a bad feeling came across him all the sudden. He ran quickly, fastly, as soon as possible to reach the older’s house that was far away without taking a train.


A loud knock on the door.


He didn’t wanna be late.

Running to the window on the left side, he broke the glasses window with his fist strongly, not minding the bloodied-hand of him. He kept breaking the glasses until the size was enough for him to get in. Entering the house with a little stratch by the piece of glasses, his eyes were panickly wandering around to find the older boy.

His felt like his heart stopped beating when he saw a pool of blood that was still flowing on the floor. He stepped closer and he shouted the older boy’s name as he saw Chinen had sprawled over the floor, coughing more blood while gasping some air.


Ryutaro lifted the small body, carrying him, “Don’t talk! We’ll go to hosp—“

But Chinen refused, he shook his head.

“Don’t be stubborn, Yuuri!”

“No.. please.. no!” it was very hard to make a scream, a sharp pain was coming endlessly. “I’ll die.. no matter what..”

“Yuuri, what do you want?” Ryutaro whispered helplessly, kissing the older’s hair dearly as he felt the grip on his arms.

Chinen wheezed, “.. you..”

A sharp and painful breathe was taken, Ryutaro could only hug Chinen tighter and cried silently with every fragile movement from the older boy. He was still having a shortened breathe, yet the older still tried to lift his body for kissing the younger boy. Ryutaro leaned closer and touching the tiny lips softly and quickly before the older’s body was convulsing a little by the hard breathing.

As his arms hugged Chinen tighter and tighter, he almost couldn’t feel something sudden liquid the dripped down from his back, joining the first blood and its color was getting darker than ever.

“Ryuu-chan.. I’m sorry..” Chinen even didn’t have any strength anymore to pull the knife out back from the younger. “I... need you..”

Ryutaro’s eyes softened, he palmed Chinen’s cheeks and interwined their fingers. He kissed the older’s lips once again, longer for this time until he finally could feel there was no warm breathe released from the older anymore.


He found the eyes were closed already, the faint lips had turned paler but he could see a curve of smile plastered on the beautiful face. Leaning closer and placed the motionless body on his lap, he felt his eyes getting heavier and the pain began hurting him. Grasping the lifeless and little fingers for the last time, his eyelids were slowly getting down, closing the dark orbs that already dead mentally before. The head fell to the side, and he escaped the last words almost without a sound.

“Thank you..”


-___- i’m back with classic death again. Gomen =w=
I missed Ryutaro so badly, and it made me stop writing ChiiTaro for awhile. This time I forced myself to write ChiiTaro and.. tadaa.. AU and angst -__- plus, deaths. Oh, geez, classic :|
Mind to tell me what you think? D:
Current Mood: blank
hara_89 on August 17th, 2011 06:08 am (UTC)
hara_89 on August 17th, 2011 06:36 am (UTC)
Tari... uwaaaaaaaaa YYYY.YYYY
This is so sad YYYY.YYYY

You killed Chinen and Ryutaro?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? TTT.TTT
But their love is so sincere and pure, I can feel Ryu and Chii loves each other and needs each other so much in this fic~~ >.<
Beautiful, Tari, although it's angst YY.YY

And yeay for chiitaro!!!
hanashiaru: yamachaanhanashiaru on August 17th, 2011 06:47 am (UTC)
uhuh i killed them, they're demanding to be killed graaagh /desperate *whatsdesuyo*

gila saia depresi nginget ryuu mulu :))

thank you sooo much for reading and commenting, hara-chan :*
hara_89 on August 17th, 2011 06:52 am (UTC)
jangan depresi, tar, nanti gak ada yang nguatin chinen nungguin babang ryu-nya balek~~ >.< let's be strong and believe that he will be back~~ >.<

Ii yo, anytime, tari~~
eh, halooo, yam2~~ *towel2 yamada di pp tari*
チュイタsweet_pleione on August 17th, 2011 06:16 am (UTC)
claim spot first
hanashiaruhanashiaru on August 17th, 2011 07:33 am (UTC)
チュイタ: ryusweet_pleione on August 17th, 2011 12:24 pm (UTC)
tari pembunuuuuuh!!!!
kenapa dua duanya dimatiin????

saya butuh nya fluffy chiitaro iniiiii....
hanashiaruhanashiaru on August 19th, 2011 03:35 pm (UTC)
... karena kondisinya mendukung untuk menganiaya mereka =w= /plak

saia juga butuh *cari2* .__.
(Deleted comment)
hanashiaru: chiitarohanashiaru on August 17th, 2011 06:31 am (UTC)
pengen gw matiin -__- lagi kaga bisa nge-fluff abisan kondisinya lagi begono mereka :))
nah pan udah gw kasi warning ntu death2an, jelas bener disebut2 ulang mulu pula mwakaka

ryuuu~ *lari2*

makasih udah baca :*
(Deleted comment)
hanashiaruhanashiaru on August 17th, 2011 06:48 am (UTC)
well, tadinya mau chii doank--tapi kesian ryuu sendirian.. ya udah .___.

(Deleted comment)
hanashiaruhanashiaru on August 18th, 2011 04:17 am (UTC)
baru kelar baca T--T dalem bener sih T-T
tapi bisa nyaris mirip gini yak =w=
(Deleted comment)
Just call me  fiz-chan <3fiz_autumn on August 17th, 2011 11:43 am (UTC)
How should I say this?!!This is so sweet n their love is soooooo pure..n-n-n-n-n-n I can't find the suitable words anymore..*speechless*XC
hanashiaruhanashiaru on August 18th, 2011 04:16 am (UTC)
:| :|

*pokes you* thank you soo much for reading and commenting :)
Just call me  fiz-chan <3fiz_autumn on August 19th, 2011 03:45 am (UTC)
*gain my consciousness back*
Gonna leave proper comment here..^^

They died but they together until the end of their lives..what a pure loveeeee..T^T
n love Chiitaro moment a LOT..XD

Btw, ur welcome..^^
chii_mao_13chii_mao_13 on August 17th, 2011 04:49 pm (UTC)
spotting, leaving comment tomorrow.. >.
hanashiaruhanashiaru on August 18th, 2011 04:17 am (UTC)
chii_mao_13chii_mao_13 on August 18th, 2011 04:19 pm (UTC)
when finally they found each other, chii admitted that he was sick.. T^T
and... where's my innocent rabbit????? >.< huwaaaa he killed ryuu too because he needed him so much.. T__________T
but for me chii has no flaw.. so... *whacked*
love sure can make people think for the last way to be together with the one they love forever ne... >.< and it happened to chii.. T^T
it's beautiful, tari-chan.. i'm shocked when reading that chii killed ryuu though.. uwaaaa *sobs*
hanashiaruhanashiaru on August 19th, 2011 03:37 pm (UTC)
they have no other choice, then :|a
there's no meaning for living anymore, anyway /whacked

i can't take chii alone .___.

thank you for reading and commenting, iv-chaaan:*
chi_yamaswitenana on August 17th, 2011 07:16 pm (UTC)
this is so sweet....
w-why it's come sad
you killed both of them, huh?
Ryuu-chan, Chinen.....T^T

it's really beautiful
hanashiaruhanashiaru on August 18th, 2011 04:18 am (UTC)
mou.. i killed them because they're just like..
.. ugh ._.

thank you so much for reading and commenting :*
chi_yamaswitenana on August 18th, 2011 04:27 am (UTC)
don't mind me
I always being like this when it come for an angst

demo...it's really great
I like it
airumaiden20airumaiden20 on August 18th, 2011 05:01 am (UTC)
aku sudah bacaaaa...
(gyay) (gyay)

meskipun angst tapi aku masih bisa merasakan fluffnya.
chiitaro is made to be fluffy angst xD

aku suka~ good job Tari-nee, XD
hanashiaruhanashiaru on August 19th, 2011 03:50 pm (UTC)
chiitaro cute sih, no matter what <3 <3 ihihiy <3

makasih udah mampir :*
emerald_love_96emerald_love_96 on August 18th, 2011 12:38 pm (UTC)
chinen~~~ >.< ga nyangka dia bakal membawa ryuu ke dunia sana juga :"(
hanashiaru: chii2hanashiaru on August 19th, 2011 03:57 pm (UTC)
supaya chii ga kesepian ;w;

makasih banyak udah mampir :*
sheropvsssheropvss on December 30th, 2013 06:25 am (UTC)
Nice to meet you nee :)
I'm in 1995 :) so i'm 18 now :)
You can call mee Yui-chan nee, nice to meet you again, hihi
My ichiban is Yuto and Yama is niban, my most (and only OTP i love is YamaJima, so that's why i found you LJ, hihi, a lot of YamaJima fics here ^^, zada~~), but sometimme i like YutoChii too :)
So..here is my fb www.facebook.com/heosieunhan25195, i'm in friend-blocking, so i can send the request to you, i just can accept :), it's my please if you add my fb :)
Once again nice to meet you my deat
Hope we're friend together ^_^